Devlin Writes a Three-Article Segment about the Gamergate Controversy: Segment Two
Recap: Devlin was given a writing assignment and wrote the first segment about it.
I arrived in San Diego in the early dusk, as to not be suspected by the suspecting slumbering residents. Not much had changed since I had last visited. It still seemed as though the main economic engines of the city were military and defense-related activities, tourism, international trade, and manufacturing. The presence of the University of California, San Diego (UCSD), with the affiliated UCSD Medical Center, had helped make the area a center of research in biotechnology[1]. Interesting.
Image source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Diego#mediaviewer/File:Down_town_san_diego_photo_d_ramey_logan.jpg
I crept through the pre-morning streets, staying alert for a lead as to where the geographic location of the Wikipedia Internet Webpage Corporation may be. Within an agonizing few minutes though, lady luck herself vomited ol’ lovable Devlin a clue; a single pissed-upon matchbook from the Silver Unicorn Nightclub with a note scribbled inside its flap. It read, “Remember to visit your Wikipedia bandwidth and server location tomorrow morning at 4253 Mission Blvd in San Diego, CA 92109. Signed - Jimmy Wales[2], co-founder of Wikipedia.”
A clue...
I quickly memorized the contents of the message and then ate the matchbook off of the dusty street to avoid any sort of condemning data trail. I commandeered a nearby minivan that had ineptly been left in a driveway overnight with its ignition keys tucked into the sun visor and its auto passenger window rolled down, and made haste to the Wikipedia Corporation. The rush of driving to a data center in a stolen minivan seemed oddly familiar, but I shrugged off emotion, and pressed on.
I lost control of the minivan nearing the lawn of the Wikipedia building, badly bending an axle as I careened into a curb and barrel rolling the vehicle until it came to rest in a nearby palm tree. I had arrived.
Undeniable photographic evidence that all of this happened.
As I walked up to the front corporation door, I noticed a man in a trench coat with an unlit cigarillo hanging from his lips, patting around the pockets of his coats searching for…a matchbook. Wales, it had to be.
I approached him casually and asked, “Need a light there, Jimbo?”
He looked up, “Maybe, who’s askin'?”
“The names Devlin. Devlin Q. Satanfingers.”
“Devlin, huh? Alright then, Devlin. Sure, I could use a light.”
“First I need some information, Jimmy. Information, then a light.”
He grimaced a little, “Okay, I’ll bite. Whaddya need to know?”
“Tell me about Gamergate. I need to know what you know, so I can write this important assignment for a collaborative internet web blog collaborative entertainment website.”
“Gamergate, Jesus kid, that’s heavy. What specifically do you need to know?”
“Mostly what it is; that is to say, what is it anyway?”
“Look, you don’t want to get involved in this Devs. It’s too dangerous.”
I stared hard at him with my slightly over-cooked cataracts, “I need to know.”
He stared back, thought for minute and then continued, “Alright fine kid. It’s a…It’s an internet thing. There are these kids that don’t like their parents, or school, or women, right? And they aren't too great at social interaction. You know, like this thing that we’re doing right here. Face-to-face, no-shit, real interaction. Well, they frequent the internet space upsetting people and starting arguments at a much younger age then, say, the Optimism Vaccine authors. They haven’t quite figured out that there’s a line sometimes to the things you can and should say, even online. As a matter of fact, my very own website, the Wikipedia, has them defined as “trolls.”[3] I’m not preaching censorship here, it’s just that, you know, you can scream all sorts of wicked things at the actors you see at home on the TV, but if you see that actual actor that played that part that pissed you off right there on the street and yell at them, well then, you know, they’re real people and they’re gonna hear you, right? These suburban disconnects, they don’t understand this.”[4]
Previously accepted definition of "troll".
I pondered his response for a moment, then nodded my head and walked away. I heard Jimmy yelling something about how I didn't give him a light or something or other, but it didn't matter now. I was on the case. I was going to crack open the delicate egg casing of Gamergate, and drinks its soul-yolk for my reader’s perturbed delight.
Read the next exciting installment of the in-depth Optimism Vaccines undercover reporting expose feature article on Gamergate in segment two: Devlin Writes a Three-Article Segment about the Gamergate Controversy: Segment Three
Sources Cited:
[4] Editor’s Note: While fact checking Mr. Satanfingers' article, it was discovered that Devlin never made direct contact with Jimmy Wales, rather he spoke with a random Wikipedia contributor claiming to be Jimmy Wales, who happened to be on a smoke break outside of the Wikipedia bandwidth and server building.