I hadn't heard from the Optimism Vaccine editors for a few weeks, so I figured I ought to get to digging up some story gold of my own to get back in their good graces. I didn't have the kind of cash a man needs to take in a movie film at the movie film theater, so my article options were going to be limited. Then it came to me, right as I tripped over a cassette tape of Flatliners and fell into oncoming traffic; Death! I would write about Death (or “Deff”, as my toothless readers so lovingly refer to it).
I lay bleeding in the street, watching motor vehicles honk their noise horns and swerve around my reeking carcass. It was clear to me that I should collect myself and return to the sidewalk. I pushed myself up off the road street and stumbled back to the sidewalk. I picked up the video film cassette tape of Flatliners and examined it for damage. The casing had been cracked when I tripped over top of it, however, it appeared that the movie film inside was undamaged. This was terrific news for me because a neighbor of mine, who rarely locks his windows, actually owns a movie film cassette player that I could observe the movie film with.
I rushed home like a deformed, excited lady gorilla wearing lipstick to view my new movie film. By the time I reached my neighbor’s house, I was so crazed with enthusiastic anticipation that I neglected to simply push open his window, and instead smashed in the glass panes with a plank I found sitting nearby. Oh, I didn't mind, though. I was just too thrilled that my afternoon would be once again filled with movie film watching and, of course, my traditional intelligent review analysis.
I giggled as I pushed the power buttons on the television and the movie film cassette tape viewer with my candy-stained fingers, and I noticed my ring pop had collected a sizable amount of dirt on the run over. I shrugged, and then jammed the movie film cassette into the movie film cassette tape viewing machine. Static burst onto the television screen, and the movie film cassette began its magic. I took a few steps back, and sat down on a blanket that I had thrown over top of the window glass pile. The movie film started up, and I started up some damn movie film watching intelligent review analysis.
This was a movie about the folly of youth and the advantages of free access to medical procedures, and equipment, if you chose to pursue a career in the medical healthcare field. The story was actually quite similar to one that I shared with some of my more questionable doctor friends back in the 80s. Instead of playing with electricity defibrillator paddles to bring on hallucinations, my group of questionable doctor friends would simply raid pharmacy shelves and share copious amounts of pills and syringes with the gang to stimulate hallucinations. Much like the movie, our horrifying hallucinations would haunt us long past our temporary highs; however, unlike the movie, none of us ever attempted to make peace with our demons to end our moral torture.
I had earnestly hoped to have gone more in-depth with my movie film review, however the blanket I had been sitting on had not protected my fragile skin from the jagged bits of glass on the floor. I threw a lamp through a bay window so I could avoid the broken glass in my previous entry window, hopped out, and made tracks to meet up with some of my questionable doctor friends for some much needed medical attention.
Bonus movie film review content:
I once punched Kiefer Sutherland square in his blonde head for not sharing his morning bowl of cereal flakes with me. Kiefer was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon, so there you go. Want to avoid head punches? Don’t eat your cereal in front of hungry transients.