Inoculations: Expectations

March 11, 2014 by Adam M. Miros in Adam M. Miros, Stephen_Kohlmann, Steve Cuff, Shawn Glinis, Reviews, Inoculations, Megan Connor, Cabinet Face, Ashwin Bhandiwad

The first few months of a new year are generally a rather bleak time for film lovers of every ilk. Between the spoils of prestige season and the spectacle of the blockbusters lies a graveyard. It's the time of year when a trip to the cinema is most often accompanied by shame and regret. In this spirit, we wanted to give our readers a few examples of films that transcended their 'nothing better to do' ticket purchase, and brought a bit of hope into these last desolate months of winter. Maybe, just maybe, that ticket to 300: Rise of an Empire will be money well spent.

Inoculations: 2013

January 22, 2014 by Adam M. Miros in Adam M. Miros, Ashwin Bhandiwad, Cabinet Face, Devlin Satanfingers, Inoculations, Shawn Glinis, Steve Cuff, Stephen_Kohlmann, Reviews

Although we often skirt traditional media coverage here at Optimism Vaccine, we'd be remiss in failing to acknowledge the filmic goodness that was 2013. New offerings from the Coen brothers, Scorsese, Alexander Payne, Alfonso Cuaron, Woody Allen, Thomas Vinterberg, Jonathan Glazer, David O. Russell, Spike Jonze, Steve McQueen, and others made last year one of the strongest of the new millennium for us cinephiles. The sheer depth of quality releases can be a bit daunting, so we figured we'd help our readers out by offering up a few of our favorites from the year that was.

Inoculations: Halloween

October 28, 2013 by Adam M. Miros in Shawn Glinis, Devlin Satanfingers, Reviews, Inoculations, Steve Cuff, Ashwin Bhandiwad, Cabinet Face, Adam M. Miros, Schmishma Graves, Stephen_Kohlmann

While Optimism Vaccine is by no stretch of the imagination a horror site, several of our authors fancy themselves aficionados of the genre. So, with Halloween drawing near, we thought it would be fun to give you the reader several choices for your holiday viewing. What horrors await? As horror icon Jimmy Buffet might intone over the dissonant drone of steel drums: Disparate voices, disparate choices.

This is apparently what I paid for: The WE network

March 31, 2013 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Features, Humor

It looks like all of us here at Optimism Vaccine are masochistic savages who genuinely enjoy hate-watching things (except for that time we wrote a sweet piece about the greatest band of time, Tears for Fears. AMIRITE?). It's super fun. In this vein, I've decided to do my civic, American duty and watch a cable television channel and yell my opinions about it over the internet. For this series, I'll watch a TV network for a week and analyze its shows, commercials (who watches this horseshit and is marketed to), syndicated movies and tv licenses (IF ANY).

This week, it's the WE network.

The Absolute Last Samurai: The Pure Greatness of ‘The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift’

February 21, 2013 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Humor, Features

The Great Super Bowl Blackout of 2013 is a distant memory, except for fans of the Baltimore Ravens and/or Beyonce’s publicist. Other than the bowl itself, there were commercials about how much Paul Harvey loves white, Christian farmers and how much a man loves his Clydesdales and how much old douchebags are no different from young douchebags when they go to Taco Bell.

…In which our hero makes a playlist

January 16, 2013 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Features, Humor

After years of fighting the tide that has consumed my contemporaries, I have decided to yield and finally do something that I was supposed to do a long time ago: I am making a sex playlist. I’m an early adopter of most things technological. I like to think that I was one of the first people to join Gmail or use Kazaa to pirate mislabeled Rage Against the Machine tracks. But when it comes to social media in general or music, I have been woefully behind. I was one of the last people to join Facebook and Twitter because I didn’t understand their utility (still don’t). I just heard about Joy Division last week, and I still don’t understand what the big deal is. However, this is the year of some lord, 2013. The Mayans were wrong. Maybe I am too. So, I’ve decided to make my first sex playlist. And I’d like you, dear reader, to come along for the ride. Everything I am going to say is specific to me, so heads up.

A treatise on the newly formed sexproduct of Kimye Westdashian

January 03, 2013 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Features, Humor

Happy 2013, everyone! As expected, it appears Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have been having intercourse. Sans condom. Which is fine. And they, according to the most horrible parts of the internet, are having a baby. It behooves me, as the lone ethnic gentleman on Optimism Vaccine (probably), to comment and wildly speculate on the matters of this unplanned child.

The King of Youtube Presents...

December 20, 2012 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Features, Humor

Greetings, readers. As you may or may not know, I am the King Youtube, ruler of the world’s smallest, most advanced country. We are known, of course, for our greatest export: short videos about various things. But for every ‘Gangnam Style’ or ‘Charlie bit my finger,’ there are so many unheralded clips, great cultural landmarks, which fall by the wayside. It is my duty to represent the work of my people to the highest extent of my ability. Therefore, I have decided to share the majesty of my land with you, in exchange for no money. My advisors say its Internet Madness, but what do they know? I’ll show them. I’ll show them all.

Blundershoot: How I did almost nothing at Bumbershoot 2012, and how it was spectacular

September 12, 2012 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Features, Humor

On Labor Day weekend, thousands of people gathered at the Seattle Center for the Bumbershoot Music and Arts festival. Yours truly was there for both music and arts, and saw unspeakable cool things/horrors. This is the absolutely true story of that experience, as well as I remember it.

It’s About Time for Another Agent Cody Banks Sequel

August 16, 2012 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Humor, Features

I am a huge fan of Agent Cody Banks and it’s worthy sequel, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London. I remember the fervor when the first movie... excuse me, FILM, first came to the cinemas. In 2003, when I first saw the poster for ACB, with Frankie Muniz leaning against the edge (literally!) while his handler, Ronica (that lady from Law & Order) and girlfriend Natalie (Lizzie McGuire) watched from behind. He had a look that said, “Dudes, I got this. I am the coolest person who has ever graduated from Summer CIA camp and gotten into CIA, even in high school.” By that point, I was hooked. I didn’t even read the tagline until much later, which said "Save the world. Get the Girl. Pass math." Oh, Cody Banks, I'd never doubt you for a second!

Good Times: 2 Live Crew's Last Stand

August 06, 2012 by Ashwin Bhandiwad in Ashwin Bhandiwad, Humor, Features

Some people call me the Forrest Gump of music. Not only am I a little slow to understand what's happening, but I've also inexplicably been at every significant event in music history. Woodstock '99? Been there. The ascent of Bieber? I recorded that motherfucker's first YouTube video. Burning Man? Well, I haven't been there, but only because it seems like it’s full of awful, awful people. Through all of these travels, I've been privy to most of the great stories in music history. This is the best one.